In the midst of it all when I let the world into my head I begin to fear and have moments of weakness and God is always there to draw me back. No one but God knows what I am going through and NOONE but HIM can understand the fear I live with everyday: the fear of not loving enough, not learning enough, not laughing enough, not living enough. The fear of what will be if I am no longer.
AND yet I live in AWE everyday in this AWESOME experience, I have learned how beautiful life is, how great the sun feels on my skin, how melodious it is to hear the birds chirp, to pay bills, to go to work, to shower, to hug, to kiss and to love. I am so FOREVER grateful for this life that HE has given me (although I am not worthy). The great family and friends that HE has hand selected to walk this path with me. I make plans and God changes them, sometimes I FEEL they don’t seem to be the best plans for me but that’s OKAY, because God promises that HE has plans to PROSPER me, NOT HARM ME, Plans for a HOPE and a FUTURE!! SO GLAD HE HAS PLANS THAT ALWAYS WORK OUT. I’m glad I did not write the book on “Me” because only the perfect author, the all-knowing-everywhere-at-one-time-God, could make my life a living fairy tale because HIS timing is perfect, and HE puts me where HE wants me to be at THIS and every moment to be able to experience the AWESOMENESS of HIS divine plan.
I remember one day at Potential Church when I was teaching in Kids Ministry when I taught of the story of Esther and I could not make it through the teaching without shedding a tear and praying that I wished I was her, I wished that I was saving a nation, leading a multitude of people to the King. I prayed for that (2008) and I waited, I went on with my life and prayed for that, I got pregnant (2010) and prayed for that, I got Cancer (2012) and I prayed for that and one day God had someone speak to me. They told me that God was preparing me for my dream of leading people to Christ, she told me that he was writing the details of “My Story” – the story I would share with the world to show of HIS mercy, HIS blessings and HIS hand in ALL that is, that was and that will be. She said, make this your motto “ Vivire y contare de las obras de Jeova” – “I will not die but live, and will proclaim what the LORD has done.” AND SO IT IS!!!
I am living and proclaiming that CANCER WILL NOT TAKE ME, the DEVIL WILL NOT BREAK ME because I am HEIR to the throne of the ALMIGHT GOD: JEHOVA-JIREH, the ALMIGHTY PHYSICIAN JEHOVA-RAPHA, the eternal and everlasting GOD: EL OLAM.
As I write this I SMILE from ear to ear and CRY because I can see HIS HAND work IN ME and FOR ME. The best thing out of all of this besides my relationship with GOD is: “Sometimes the dreams that come true are the dreams that you never even knew you had” AND boy are these DREAMS spectacular!!!
Praise GOD & today & everyday give thanks!!
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